Monday, September 05, 2005

Spiritual transition, part 2

The previous post was lifted from an attempt at articulating the last several weeks. Of course, THIS past week, all eyes have been on Katrina and her aftermath--and that, too, has worked to turn my musings inside out . . .

Two weeks ago (more or less) I was still reeling from that taste of "fire from heaven"--a series of confirmations, mostly in regard to my writing and a handful for other areas, too concentrated to be ignored--three in one day, then one almost every other day for another week, from different sources. Then, just as I was starting to recover from the awe over that, Katrina hit, first Florida, as a minor hurricane, then turning almost overnight into a major one over the Gulf coast before plowing into Louisiana and Mississippi.

I've watched the news reports with breathless horror and grief--spent a lot of time this past week weeping, in prayer for those in need of rescue AND those trying to help.

Troy's reserve unit may need to go work the relief efforts . . . which in turn briefly cast into uncertainty my plans to attend the ACFW conference in a couple of weeks. The approach of the conference has stirred some mixed feelings, too--a bit of guilt for thinking of this when there's such need and devastation elsewhere, excitement over getting to see/meet so many people I've made friends with over the past year and more--but a bit of terror, too, at the prospect of pitching my work for the third year in a row. I'm not entirely sure this is all attributable to a fear of failure . . . I've struggled with a very real fear of success, too.

Have to go pick up the boys from their sleepover. Will post more later.

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